woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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