i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
