am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
