Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
