I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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