8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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