I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
if i died would you start the facebook group?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just found a bag of teeth...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
