At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I have already put on my inside pants.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
