Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
