Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
