You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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