I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
