fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have already put on my inside pants.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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