Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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