Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
