If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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