Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
