kristin has been a bad kristin
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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