did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
