She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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