uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
