NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
