ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
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He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
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We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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