Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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