Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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