So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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