You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I supernannyed him into submission
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
