i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Randomize
