pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
