I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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