And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
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I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
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You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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