My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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