i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
