Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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