Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
