I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
ok first of all what the fuck
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
