Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
