Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
