You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
