I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
