im holly from the hills drunk
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
