She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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