I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
