I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
the raccoons are back...
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