I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
