You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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