Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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