This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize