Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
