I think my vagina is haunted
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
