so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
