Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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