Im at strip club and am horny
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just leave with hair like that
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job