He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Boobs speak an international language.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
