I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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