can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
