That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
