Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he thought i was a dude.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
