I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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