Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
