You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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