I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
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It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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