I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
