Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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