I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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