I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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