Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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