Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize