But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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