Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
