She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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