Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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