Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
