My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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