went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
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We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
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The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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