I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
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