did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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