All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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