my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
