I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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