my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Sorry my hands just texted you
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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