last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
