Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
