i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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