Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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