Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
