i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
