the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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