I should be sponsored by Trojan
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
That accounts for only three of the penises
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
