is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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