Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
