god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
