she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
