her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
