I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
