i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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